The Coffee Diaries

It takes a whole load of caffeine to successfully schlep around European cities. Here’s some of what I drank to make it all happen...

Black coffee at Carr Saunders Hall, LSE, Fitzroy Street, W1
I decided to start this blog at the very beginning so everything that came after would be an improvement. And it was. This coffee was oily, weak, and came from a plastic jug that I was allowed to pour myself. It was an odd colour, just generally awful in fact, but the amazing view from the rooftop courtyard of the BT Tower across the street made that seem so much less important. Hello London, I've missed you...

Latte from the courtyard coffee cart at the V&A, SW7
The V&A courtyard is lush, even in the floaty, spitty London rain, and brightly peopled with Chinese yuppies splashing in puddles and a beautiful tiny boy playing in the fountain. This was not bad coffee at all, good and malty and the froth lasted really well. Suitably fortifying for the treasures of the V&A.

Flat white at the Serpentine Bar & Kitchen, Hyde Park, W2
This coffee was the perfect temperature, which I appreciate for others might count as not hot enough', but I like things close to room temperature (I spill a lot, it’s a safety thing). This had a good deep flavour, just the right amount of bitter, and a little creamy; a coffee worthy of the neighbourhood.

Black coffee at Cafe in the Gardens, Russell Square, WC1
The sunshine had hit hard by now. I could’ve had a lemonade you know. This murky solution was weak and soapy with a sour lingering aftertaste. Not good. Russell Square, you deserve better.

Black coffee at Elliot's Cafe, Borough Market, SE1
Borough is my absolute favourite bit of London. The view of the Shard peering over the shoulder of Borough Market is thrilling, even if you don’t like the Shard much (I don’t think I do). Elliot’s is suh a beautiful place; handsome staff, lovely atmosphere. I wanted to do a Truman Capote thing and say, ‘Oh, bring us something that takes forever...’ A delicious, Market-sourced meal was crowned with a cup of the finest coffee of the tour so far; rich, smoky, and a beautiful colour. I’ve not had anything as good since North Tea Power back home.

Black coffee and flat white at Creperie du Monde, Chatsworth Rd, E5
It’s very trendy round here, which is good, the hip tend not to settle for bad coffee. The black coffee was really robust and great and the flat white was, well, just a latte. I’m kidding. But really, what's the difference? I can’t tell them apart, I’m too much a novice. Basically, it’s really good coffee here. 

Black coffee at Royal Teas, Greenwich, SE10
Nice and earthy and strong, and a truly scrumptious gorgeous veggie breakfast on the side. Plus a lovely outside table for earwigging the well-heeled Mums of SE10.

Soy latte at Old Shoreditch Station, E2
Boy, this coffee tastes fresh, like they grew it and ground it right there for me. Soy lattes are becoming a bit of a desert wine for me though, I will go for the real deal next time, I think this high standard of coffee deserves it.

Algerian Coffee at the Savoy Cafe, Prague
Since we have no clue what the exchange rate could be for the wonderfully arcane Gothic currency that is the Czech Koruna we have no idea what we’re spending so we go to the Savoy Café. The Algerian coffee is astonishing; thick with egg liqueur, smothered in cream, strong as an ox underneath. I’m almost too overwhelmed to eat the enormous caramel cream choux creation that I accidentally ordered.

Iced espresso at God Shot,  Prenzlauer Berg, Berlin
Cringe at the subtitle (‘The Future Urban Coffee Klub’), and only a really hip coffee joint can afford to be so surly across the counter, but the goods are up to scratch and beyond; super strong with the right amount of bite and, weirdly/pleasantly, a kind of citrusy thing going on afterwards. Go out of your way for this coffee. All the way to Berlin if you must.

Flat white at Café CK, Prenzlauer Berg, Berlin
The coffee in this city gets better around every corner. A block from Gunshot, CK’s offering is nutty, buttery, served by a friendly bearded English barista, and best drunk out of doors with bikes and dogs aplenty.

Filter coffee at Anna Blume’s, Prenzlauer Berg, Berlin

Everything at Anna Blume’s is superb; the three-tiered vegetarian breakfast, gorgeous pan-European clientele, the sunny Prenzl’berg street corner location. The coffee is so nice I had to get two of them, the second bigger than the first.

Flat white at Bonanza Coffee Heroes, Prenzlauer Berg, Berlin
Staffed by three handsome, sharp, moustachioed fellows. All very East London. And vaguely intimidating in fact. But the coffee is rich and mellow and so full of flavour. It tastes expensive, but really isn’t. Hit there before you hit Mauerpark.

Iced latte at Engelberg, Prenzlauer Berg, Berlin
The last coffee of the holiday and by now it’s too hot for the hot stuff so this chilled creation is divine; rich, looks like brandy, and spills a lovely glow across the table as the sun pours into the sides of the glass. So long Berlin, we love you, we’ll be back …

  

Going away, and coming up ...

Hello readers,

I am soon heading off on a fortnight of travel and adventure. This will encompass second-hand Olympics vibes down in London town, the V&A and British Museum for general edification, a touch of Shakespeare at The Globe, some avant-garde in Soho, a bit of Club Motherfucker at Elephant and Castle, some Hackney vibes, some Greenwich me-time (geddit), Vanilla Black, a day out in Margate to see Blur, a DJ gig at a film festival in Dublin, a couple of days in Prague, a train to Germany, and a few days in beautiful Berlin. It will involve a cast of hundreds, a bill of hundreds more, and I'm doing it all for you ...

On my return to Manchester you can expect ludicrous travel writing of this nature, or possibly this; some brand new 'Manchester: In Residents' action from local luminaries and salt-of-the-earth folk; a Manhattanchester re-design; some hot party news; and a special insight into my other secret life as a creative writing student ...

See you on the other side ...

Manchester: In Residents … #16: Anthony

'I’ve lived in sunny Salford – handy for weed – and Didsbury Village –handy for cheese, but I’m happy right here for the time being, waking up of a morning and blowing the froth off my latte as I stare out over Stretford Arndale...'

What’s your name?

Anthony Scott Crank. People ask if my surname is a stage name, but come on, would anyone with any clout choose ‘Crank’? During my wilderness years on TV I often hoped my moniker would become something like Cockney rhyming slang, as in ‘I’m going for an Anthony Crank...’ Alas, it wasn’t to be…

What do you do?

I’m an Acting Coach at The Manchester School Of Acting. It’s a brilliant school that’s spawned the majority of the famous and uber-talented Northern faces that you see in film, TV and stage, all under the mentorship of the demi-god that is Mark Hudson. I spend the majority of my week grimacing and yelling out David Mamet quotes such as ‘Invent Nothing, Deny Nothing, Accept Everything!’ and ‘If you can’t measure it, it doesn’t fucking exist!’ at four hundred hungry students. It really is the best job in the world. I’m also just about to finish my first TV script ‘BEEF’. It’s a six part, very dark comedy drama about the lives of a group forty-something, sweaty hairy blokes living in London. It’s about masculinity, testosterone, friendship, priorities, depression, sex, drugs, and growing old disgracefully. I’m pretty damn chuffed with it so far.

Prior to this I have enjoyed – and endured – a myriad of unusual career choices. As an actor I’ve shown my waxed arse on Shameless a good few times, grappled Beverley Callard to the floor outside Bolton Town Hall on Corrie, and treaded many a Mancunian board in plays such as ‘The Rainbow Connection’, ‘Fetish Knights’ and ‘The Newspaper Boy’. I’ve written for an abundance of publications, mainly the lovely Attitude magazine, plus I DJ at all manner of shindigs, including the ubiquitous and always brilliant ‘Off TheHook’.

I spent 11 years in that London spouting crap on a regular basis as a TV presenter, most infamously for T4, MTV, and BBC Holiday, where I experienced everything from having my arse cheeks read by plastic-faced Celebrity Rumpologist Jackie Stallone, went on a week-long cycling holiday with Angela Rippon, and was made to sing the original ‘Pink Panther’ theme tune to a befuddled Beyoncé Knowles. And I got paid for it. And I got to share a dressing room with Steve Jones.

 Where do you live?

Old Trafford, slap bang between MUFC and the cricket ground. I’ve been back in Manchesterford four years now. I’ve lived in sunny Salford – handy for weed – and Didsbury Village –handy for cheese, but I’m happy right here for the time being, waking up of a morning and blowing the froth off my latte as I stare out over Stretford Arndale. I aspire to be a resident on Beech Road in the next couple of years though …

Tell us the story of how you ended up in Manchester.

I was born Scott Greenwood in Ashton-under-Lyne, but adopted out to Mr and Mrs Cranky within days of showing my face. I ended up in the arse-end of Warrington for my formative years. By the time I was sixteen the ‘Madchester’ scene had kicked off and I was determined to throw myself head-first into it, and I did. I remember stumbling across Afflecks back when it was the place to hang-out and getting a massive stiffy over 24” bell-flared loon pants from Go Vicinity, just like Tom from Inspiral Carpets used to wear. The first ever club I went to was the mighty Hacienda, on a Thursday night in 1991 – ‘Beautiful 2000’ – where I spent the majority of the evening open-gobbed at all the weird and wonderful people. I wore cream hemp dungarees and a ‘Candy Flip’ hair-do while my mate Alison got off with the singer from ‘World Of Twist’. 

I was instantly hooked. I spent every weekend getting the train up to Manc. I threw myself into the club scene with gusto, and I was lucky enough to experience some of the ground-breaking nights and clubs that put Manchester on the global scene. Most Excellent, Flesh, Space Funk and Manumission at bloody AXM bar were rocking the city, and before long I earned my pink stripes and stumbled across Manto Bar and Paradise Factory, came out the closet kicking and screaming, caused a lot of trouble, and moved to the beautiful city on a permanent basis. I stayed until 1997, then upped sticks to find fame and fortune in London for ten years. It was there, after a lot of ill-placed ventures, pissing money up the wall, and generally dribbling into the lap of June Sarpong every weekend on T4, that the shit hit the fan and I ended up going bankrupt for nearly 200k (before it was the done thing, thank you!). In 2008 I packed up my old kit bag and decided to move back to Manchester for good. I’ve never felt richer, more content and more proud to be from – and back in – Manchester ever since.

What’s great about this city?

It’s tough as old boots, and I like that a lot. It’s unpolished, inconsistent, messy and a hell of a lot of trouble. I truly believe that in the UK, Mancs as a whole are superior beings, hands down, no messing about. The creativity that oozes out of Manchester, especially from the arts/queer/music/media scenes, is original, and we stand head and shoulders above other UK cities. I love being in the company of other Mancunians, I feel like we’ve got that ‘thing’ that ‘The Sopranos’ have. Cheap rents on fancy flats is nice too, as are the free buses that run around the city.

What’s not so great?

Canal Street. I’m not one for banging on about ‘the good old days’ but it seems eternally stuck in 2001, which is so sad as it was once a pioneer in Manchester culture. It’s dated, dangerous (and not in a good way) and refuses to move forward in its ideology. Thank fuck for the Northern Quarter. Piccadilly Gardens is basically hangin’… And the constant rain. It makes me want to KILL.

Do you have a favourite Manchester building?

Granada TV. The old signage and that late 50’s style of architecture have always given me a fluttery tummy, it reminds me of being at school and hitting the city as a teenager for the first time. You can imagine the likes of Pat Phoenix swanning around the corridors with a Rothman in one hand, head to toe in mink, cursing like a navvy at anyone who got in her way. It’s such a shame that it will be pulled down in the next few years to make way for another fucking hotel…

Do you have a favourite Mancunian?

Caroline Aherne. I pine for the day she returns back to our screens. As a writer, creator, performer, comedienne, she’s given us so much. I’d go to shit if I met her, I really would.

What’s your favourite pub/bar/club/restaurant/park/venue?

On the rare occasions the sun show its face, I like to while away the hours in Castlefield Arena. Tib Street and Oldham Street – barring the pissheads outside Sachas Hotel – are frequent haunts for drinks, shopping and hanging out. If I’m feeling all la-di-da, and if I can get a table, Aumbry Restaurant in Prestwich is without a doubt the best place to eat in the city. I also love Earth Café, The Ox and Noble, Kraak, Didsbury Park, Bannatynes on Quay Street, Hula Bar and Tribeca.

What do you think is missing from Manchester?

Apart from decent agents for my acting students, I’d quite like a large park or green space of sorts somewhere in the city centre. Maybe they could bulldoze Canal Street to make way for it…?

If I was Mayor for a day I would …

Make Rowetta the Lady Mayoress.

Who else would you like to nominate to answer this questionnaire?

Jason Orange.

Anthony teaches at the Manchester School Of Acting.

Manchester: In Residents … #15: Andy

‘I remember the punks that used to hang around the entrance to the underground Arndale Market, and I remember the Northern Quarter when it was just fabric shops and disused buildings…’

What’s your name?

Andy Speak

What do you do?

I’m a PhD student, studying how green roofs influence Manchester’s urban microclimate.

Where do you live?

Whalley Range / Old Trafford, just around the corner from Jam Street Cafe who save me from many a hangover with their veggie breakfasts. It’s nice and quiet and green, and the rent’s cheaper than Chorlton!

Tell us the story of how you ended up in Manchester.

I’m from Greater Manchester originally, albeit a small village called Blackrod, out on the outer edge of the county on the border with Lancashire. I used to come to Manchester shopping with me mum in the ‘80s and I have some memories of what it was like then. I remember the punks that used to hang around the entrance to the underground Arndale Market, and I remember the Northern Quarter when it was just fabric shops and disused buildings. Then ‘Madchester’ hit and I was 16 so of course I had the whole bowl haircut, DMs and Stone Roses/Inspirals/James t-shirts and would wander around Afflecks on a Saturday. It was a very exciting place then and that excitement about the music scene has always stuck with me. I moved away to other parts of the country a couple of times but I always gravitate back. I have been living in the city proper for about ten years now.

What’s great about this city?

I’ve experienced a few UK cities but Manchester is always my favourite. There’s something really independent about the city that comes out through the music and the culture. A kind of ‘two fingers up’ to London. Plus it has an amazing history. I only recently learned about the whole Marx/Engels connection, and how it was the first industrial city, and how the new urban conditions created the first ever gang culture in the form of the Scuttlers. There’s always something new to discover…

 What’s not so great?

Manchester is losing its identity under a wave of neo-liberal corporate pressure. I mean all the identikit city centre flats and wanky bars and using nostalgia about Madchester as a marketing tool, and the whole tacky ‘I Y MCR’ campaign and letting market forces determine how the cityscape develops. Losing Legends to a German hotel chain is a case in point. If we’re not careful Manchester could end up like Birmingham! I guess this is just how a lot of urban development is happening in the UK in general, but it would be nice if Manchester could resist it.

If I’m honest I am getting a little bored of Manchester and after my PhD is finished I’m probably going to move abroad. It’s really only my friends and my allotment that are keeping me here! I think that’s more a subjective experience rather than anything wrong with Manchester though. I’ll probably be back in a few years when I realise the grass was greener here all along …

Do you have a favourite Manchester building?

It’s more of a favourite wall. It’s the wall next to the abandoned bit of land next to Company Bar and Molly House in the gay village. It’s a huge Victorian thing with the outlines of two houses that used to be there etched onto it in grime. A palimpsest of our smoggy industrial past. The number of bricks in the wall always boggles my mind, especially if I’m looking at it at 4am after numerous pints! My least favourite would be the ivory tower that is the Beetham Tower, howling its disapproval over lesser Mancunia every time a strong wind blows.

Do you have a favourite Mancunian?

I guess it has to be Morrissey. He’s a bit of a prat these days but in the ‘80s and ‘90s he was incredible, and really summed up what life was like in a post-industrial town.

What’s your favourite pub/bar/club/restaurant/park/venue?

The Molly House is my new ‘local’. Finally an actual decent pub for the gays! Bar Fringe on the edge of the Northern Quarter is also a bit of a gem. I love the huge ivy-covered hand statue in the beer garden, and anywhere that has both a life-size Buffy cut-out and a huge green man face is good with me. The Britons Protection is a great pub for cold winter nights – a few mates around a table in one of the warmly lit snugs and you can happily stay put all night getting wing-wang-wooed on ale. I also always love checking out the Okasional Kafe whenever and wherever that pops up …

What do you think is missing from Manchester?

Long, hot summers. But hey, with climate change you never know….

If I was Mayor for a day I would …

Get rid of the stranglehold of the corporates and the public-private Manchester City Centre Management Company who use public money to promote the interests of retailers and developers, and who just want Mancunians to be ‘users’ of the city who do nothing consume. The riots last year were a sign of how much this model isn’t working. Try and get Manchester back to its radical socialist roots. Not an easy job I admit. I’m actually not even that political a person but unbridled corporations make me mad!

Who else would you like to nominate to answer this questionnaire?

Zsa Zsa Noir

Here’s a short film about Andy’s fascinating PhD research.

Manchester: In Residents … #14: Emma

‘It’s almost impossible to hide away without seeing someone that you know, which is proper shit when you haven’t put any make-up on…’

What’s your name?

Emma Jay

What do you do?

I’m a freelance photographer. I’m also about to launch a new accessories label with my business partner so I work part-time in a bar too so that we don’t have to borrow any money from the yucky banks. I’m absolutely knackered.

Where do you live?

I live in ‘leafy West Didsbury’. It’s a small flat in a big house. The guy who lives in the building next door likes to play trance remixes of Jessie J, but apart from that it’s jolly nice. The other people who live in my building are all incredibly attractive and young and cool, so obviously I feel right at home.

Tell us the story of how you ended up in Manchester.

I grew up just outside London in the classy environs of Essex (you may have seen it on the BAFTA-winning TV show, The Only Way Is Essex…?)

When I was at university in Kent, my mum got married to my step-dad and she and my sister moved up to Manchester to live with him (he’s a Stafford boy originally). After graduation, I applied for jobs all over the country (I was aiming to be a gallery curator at the time) and I happened to get a job in the gallery at The Lowry. I thought I’d give Manchester a go as I’d never lived here before and I am so maverick.

I have to say I hated it at first. The weather was soul-crushingly dire (no-one believed me that it was warmer down South) and I planned to move on quite quickly. Then I bought a house, made lots of friends, and stayed for six or seven years. After that I moved back to London for a number of years and started up the accessories business. My partner lived in Manchester, I moved back up, and here I am! I’ve been back for just under a year. I’m not a born and bred Mancunian, plus I’m a bit of a nomad at heart, so I don’t think I’ll stay here forever, but for now, it’s brilliant. We are close to many of the factories that we use and I also like being near to my darling sister.

Eventually, I’d like to live in Scandinavia. Or maybe California. Anywhere I can have a house near to water and trees, with a massive porch.

What’s great about this city?

I love the Mancunian sense of humour; the Mancs are very droll. I also love the way it’s quite easy to start a new club night, or open a new store, or make a little niche for yourself up here. Obviously, it’s so much cheaper than London, which really makes it a little easier for new entrepreneurs to create something wonderful. It’s a friendly city too – people like to chat. The cosiness of the city is ace.

What’s not so great?

The cosiness of the city: it’s almost impossible to hide away without seeing someone you know, which is proper shit when you haven’t put any make-up on, and I do like a little Touche Eclat of a morning. Sometimes Mancs can be very negative too, very ‘down’ on something new. For instance, they’ll all go to a new club and be excited beforehand, but afterwards they’ll moan that the sound wasn’t quite right, or there were too many students, or there weren’t enough Barbour jackets or something. That irritates the heck out of me.

Do you have a favourite Manchester building?

I have always loved the building that The Footage & Firkin pub occupies on Oxford Road. It’s clad in these outrageously perfect sea-green tiles and is so beautiful. Ditto the Peveril of the Peak which is covered in fabulous chartreuse tiles and is positioned in a peculiar place, right near to the clean, iceberg-esque lines of the Bridgewater Hall. I like all the old shizzle, too. The Central Reference Library is splendid in its circular dominance of St Peter’s Square, and obviously the John Ryland’s Library too, spectacularly flaunting its creepy style of Gothic beauty next to that hideous new glass thingy.

Do you have a favourite Mancunian?

Well, I love all my friends of course, but I’ll choose a fellow adopted Mancunian, Alan Turing – for all the obvious reasons.

What’s your favourite pub/bar/club/restaurant/park/venue?

There are some great places in the Northern Quarter for lunch or coffee: North Tea Power, Home Sweet Home and Teacup are my current favourites. They all do SUPERTRON cakes. The milkshakes in Home Sweet Home are cardiac arrest inducing, but they sure taste good. (Go for the peanut butter one!) Common and Port St Beer House are great for booze (in Port St, try the Bourbon Barrel Stout by the Odell brewing company – it costs the same as a new car but it’s absolutely delicious).

2022NQ is the best new event space for clubs. It’s also a gallery and studio. I love Electrik (the bar staff are WELL fit, and they have the best juke box), plus North Star Deli and Dulcimer in Chorlton, and Folk and The Drawing Room on Burton Road in my neighbourhood, West Didsbury (the latter does really cheap cocktails before 9pm and the owner is an absolute doll).

The rock garden in Fletcher Moss Park is beautiful, and I love walking along the canal at Chorlton Water Park as well. The Briton’s Protection and Cornerhouse are great for evening drinks. I like catching a film and eating that mega fennel pizza at the Cornerhouse too. Eighth Day Café and the Buddhist Centre Earth Café do great vegetarian grub that sometimes looks like baby sick but tastes fabulous. I don’t get much time to go out at the moment, so there are lots of new restaurants that I still really want to try.

What do you think is missing from Manchester?

The sun.

If I was Mayor for a day I would …

Sort out the litter situation. Manchester is f**king filthy in places and it really angers me. How hard is it to put litter in a bin, y’all? Even in the scuzziest placesthat  I lived in London, there was barely any litter compared to here. Embarrasing…

Who else would you like to nominate to answer this questionnaire?

I’d like to nominate Sam Breen. He is a wonderful writer, publisher and music-lover who appreciates a turbo Kir Royale as much as I do.

Emma is author of the blog, Totally Would, for all things swoonsome in the world of the celebrity male.

The Stone Roses

Cass!

Okay I know I probably owe you like a squillion emails but I just had to tell you about this. Went to see The Stone Roses at Heaton Park on Friday with Sarah and Jono, except I kind of lost them early on and then my phone died. Sarah was wreeeecccccked, seriously, it was super funny!! So I ended up watching the band by myself which was kind of weirdly enjoyable. It was OKAY, not amazing, but the atmosphere was grand and sad and sort of wonderful. I was thinking of you a lot.  I wish I’d got my shit together and arranged a proper do but I just bought from ebay last minute.

The bar queues were so bad though, I ended up getting coffee and chips and some dry dry falafel. Preferable to waiting fifty minutes for four quid’s worth of warm zinfandel. First time I wanted a cig in MONTHS. It passed though. Ick. I bet the Roses weren’t drinking either. John was predictably astonishing, Ian hit not a single right note. Just read a review saying his voice wasn’t THAT bad. It WAS that bad though, seriously, and I’m on his side too. But my god the set list was MAGIC. They played the whole of the first album (yes, including Don’t Stop and Elizabeth), only two songs (I think) from Second Coming, but they played Mersey Paradise and Standing Here and Where Angels Play... I shed a couple of tears at the latter, I’m not gonna lie. 'Take a look around, there's something happening ...'

Primal Scream supported and they were bobbins. Saw them in Berlin last year and they were amazing then so don’t feel too bad about it. Every time the wind changed direction I couldn’t even hear them.

Remember at school when I basically made you sit that test about the Roses to see if we could be friends? What a douche. You should’ve lamped me.

Anyways, that’s all, thought I should email before the excitement ran out.

Hope all four of you are healthy and safe and happy happy happy.

Much love always

Greg

xxx