The only thing better than group sex is group texts
I HATE MY LIFE but I loved your party
I got in a lift full of people with my fly open
Did you bone him? He was in a right bad mood
Just woke up. Everything tastes of dying. Spent fortune. Went back to cash machine. Twice
IT WAS A FUCKING DINNER PARTY YOU COCK
Weil Weil Weil
I'm shy and fat and broke and old and I ate too much chocolate
Some hipsters are pretty. Some hipsters are piggy. That is my observation.
Yeah I'm fine! Except oh my god i feel like Shit. What was i doing?
'Contemporary or dead!' shall be the new call to arms!
Newsflash it looks like I've slept in my clothes and my weave is hanging off
Girls on in 15 equals sexwee all one word.
Don't look directly at the band or they may turn to salt
Having a bloody mary in soho to calm my nerves
God it's simply easier to break friends with you
Mmm teenage boys
Wanna come to a party on saturday? There'll be inverts there!
I really object to spending money on groceries do you know what i mean by that?
Reach across the pillow and snip off a bit of dread
Every pub, every street, every tube carriage has a man in it you would lay down your life for
ZOMG I'm so glad you didn't regard my onion rings
There are people walking round town completely wasted. It's Monday teatime FFS!
I love how you can't have sex during the week
Cover of Heat. Nadine 'I'm so sick of Cheryl milking it' Brilliant. She only got divorced five minutes ago
*inhales lighter fluid in preparation*
You'll be up to your neck in ass
You're a useless virgin and I hate you
So many lovely homes in south manchester. I'm completely lost.
OMG reverse towards him!
There are all types of alone though, and some are okay, look at me I'm more alone than I've ever been. You have to bear it. Things change really quickly.
Did you read about the she-teacher who fucked her 14 yr old student in disabled toilets at the British Museum?
He has the thickest blackburn accent you've ever been subjected to. He sounds positively jamaican.
It's fertiliser. Fact!
You're amazing. You're the queen of sex. Now ditch him
Camden Market, Tate Britain, Amuse Bouche, Soho Pizzeria, Vibe Bar, Dreambagsjaguarshoes
Mark's going to play the new Hole single at Duckie tonight, tell Matt!
OMG london is completely broken nothing works infrastructure's fucked and it's raining SCREAM!
Sky high in the airwaves on the morning show
Morning! Are you ready for some bleak dystopic theatre? Yay!
Some cock might cheer you up
Did you hear about corey haim?
The paranormal lesbian cat ladies are clearly the best.
Just passed guy counting his pills in the street. Love this city
Oh shut your mouth How can you say i go about things the wrong way?
OMG! *puts on bridal veil*
Only just made train, egregious woman trying to scan me a special offer on water i didn't want *slap*
In joiners. Our song is playing right now
Just walked past ricky gervais looking FAMOUS in beard and sunglasses
It's almost certainly the blue cheese pizza i ate for dinner but my whale dreams have been SO bad tonight
I did speed
I gave an impromptu speech at the do and banged my head on a heat lamp
I love you