Monday, 2 June 2008

Pam Ann at The Lowry

Ooh she’s got a filthy mouth on her! I think her fourth word was probably ‘cunt’. After the cringe fest that was Sandra Bernhard, Pam Ann was unstoppable hysterical joy at The Lowry. The garish vintage hostess frocks and dangerously hard hair-do are accessorised with a broad Aussie brogue and the lexicon of a navvie. We laughed from start to finish. Canal Street must have been a desert that night, every mo in the postcode appeared to be in attendance. My highlights were the excruciating audience interrogations (Pam: ‘What do you do for a living love?’ Man in audience: ‘I’m a filing clerk.’ Pam: ‘(pause) Wow, it’s so exciting just being here talking to you.’) and her re-edited version of Terror at 41,000 Feet where Pam accidentally gets drunk, doles out Ketamine to the passengers and calls the traumatised hostess a ‘cross-eyed bitch’.

At the climax of the show Pam invites representatives from all the airlines in the audience up onto the stage to compete with their very best PA announcements and campest airport strut. She has the utmost respect for the cut-glass professionalism of your Lufthansas and your British Airways, the ‘charter bitches’ on the other hand are virtually made to scrub the floors, and they love it. Such a good night, do not miss her again.

Pam on economy travel: ‘Okay front row, you’re my Business Class, next two rows you’re First Class. Okay, someone from Business Class, can you stand up for me, turn around, tell me what you can see. That’s right: POOR PEOPLE.’

Pam on the environment: ‘I’m sick of celebrities harping on about being green. ‘Oh, I’m trying to reduce my carbon footprint, so I won’t be flying to New Zealand this year’. Well guess what, the plane’s going there anyway sweetheart, why not just get on the fuckin’ thing? And stay there.’

To woman in the audience: ‘Is that your husband? Is he gay? Oh really? Who bought the tickets for tonight? I think you two need to talk.

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